Dear Students.

Dear Students,
(an open letter from the prince of darkness)

The circular thought propelling this awakening student body into fervent, even heated discussion about a few small pieces of paper and their rubber counterparts generates in me a swell of confidence and personal satisfaction. Not only are you all chasing each other's tails, declaring free speech rights and sexual enlightenment, but you've also diverted yourselves from making a sound moral judgement on the topic. What could be more gratifying?

To support my perseverant mission to divert human behavior from good action, I find your contribution remarkably substantial. Special thanks to those business advocates that are creating a stir about the injustice of a business person being robbed of her advertisement fee. Truly, it is such a shame to see an honest woman's hard earned money be taken from her with nothing in return to fill her latex lined hands (a devil's playground.) And this red herring of an issue has kept a large portion of the interested parties distracted from my motives.

And of course, there are the cynics. Thanks to you, people are condemning the people who were in charge of the people who were in charge of the people that tore out those coupons. You doubt everyone, and your constant Get-to-the-bottom-of-this attitude tends to attract others to your conspiratorial ways.

But, I never could have done things without those free speech activists. Without you all, I never would have been able to get people to completely ignore the relevant appropriateness of a word, picture, or coupon. You have been at the forefront of the movement to disregard decency and replace it with flagrant, obtrusive arguments that protect a persons right, damn-it responsibility, to flood the media with my messages of violence and self-gratification.

Thanks to you, I worry less about the diminishing portion of society that seeks to act on behalf of what they call "goodness," "moral Righteousness," or "virtue."

My beloved student body, I would be worried that you might make a judgement of your own if you knew the truth. If you knew the meaning of self-control. If you really did see the results of your actions in the bigger picture.

Ninety percent of higher education students are sexually active.
Close to a million teenagers in the United States become pregnant each year. A number higher than that of any other country in the world.
In 2004, 586 human lives were lost to abortion in ada county alone.
One out of five college women report involuntary sexual intercourse.

This, and people like Bob Beers still adhere to a belief that american culture oppresses a woman's right to fornicate, claiming that "Society was able to defend against the desires of genitals by creating a system of values that demonized sex."

It is this pure denial and denunciation of those values that have made the United States a leader in my movement to burden the world with health, financial, ethical, and moral depravity by convincing them that they are enlightened sexual beings with a freedom (responsibility!) to indulge in the physical pleasures of the body without regard to the above stated physical, social, and moral ramifications.

It is my most esteemed desire to continue the desecration of all things good and wholesome in this world with you as my primary subjects.

There is truly nothing more gratifying than to know that the very people from whom I wish to steal a living essence and those who are helping me do so are one in the same.

With the utmost in sincerity,
Satan
AKA Beezlebub
AKA Lucifer
AKA The Dark One.